Let's RocknRolla...It's New Year's Eve!

Well, it is that time of the year when everyone around us would again pretend things are super-cool in their lives and got reasons enough to celebrate. It is New Year’s Eve and I could see the frenzy in the eyes of my colleagues when elaborating their plans for The Night which mostly involves spending a lot of money over drugging their selves which would let them to spend some more. While I patiently listen with a smile, I could not help thinking where it was that I read “Celebration is for people who have got something to celebrate!”

One of my close pals was against me in this saying, “Dude, It is a fresh beginning of another whole new year..just have fun and you gotta let it go!” I could see where he came from but had to reflect also that it would be again a bunch of 365 days which could begin any day we consciously choose to. But considering human’s notoriety as a social animal, no one likes to be left out of the pack and do anything which the other members of pack would deem wrong or shameful. Still, I could not fixate myself on the idea of “celebrating” in a poorly lit place surrounded by jumping, shouting ,sloshing n moshing sons and daughters of Satan when I was invited for The Night at this trendy joint.

I never really have enjoyed myself when you are supposed to feel enjoyment or when you are considered weird if you are not enjoying yourself when folks around you are gay and merry. Maybe it is a problem with me which I have not figured it out yet (like a lot others) is that I seem to be impotent of the power to choke “enjoyment” on-the-fly onto myself whenever I am supposed to, like all the other normal people around me.

I remember me being at a friend’s birthday party along with guys n gals who were all a tad uncomfortable as mostly every third guy/gal was a new face to rest of the group. People were shifting and fidgeting for a while and WHAM…some random guy put on some random item number and that was it. The crowd was on its feet (thought I heard a collective relieved sigh)at the same moment and next thing I know everybody was dancing with everybody except me who was still gulping down my third Aquafina (btw, if you don’t already know, I have quit drinking alcohol – Liver Problem, you see..). Unsure of what to do to get me excited, I was already moving through the palpitating crowd up and down, right and left, vertical and horizontal only to get poked at each of my eyes twice and to find my pants unzipped (don’t even get me started here) when I reached square one. Still, feeling like a reluctant puppeteer who just can’t pull his strings for excitement I tried dancing a few steps alone which when watched in a mirror I would have realized as bobbing my head and jerking my body. Soon I had to stop this too as the host had to come and check on me thrice if I was not having an epileptic seizure of a weird kind.

On the contrary I remember our training days end of which we had a DJ night and I was all happy and fun for the training tests’ results were good which would mean I just earned a permanent job (hmm…atleast for a while). I was a total catastrophe, of course in a fun way, wreaking chaos on the dance floor that night dancing my ass off making a space for myself on the crowded floor within few spaces of which no sane feet attempted to enter. Few of the girls who used to be friends with me stopped talking to me since that night. Learned later that in the rush I had that crazy night I had apparently punched one of them in the nose and kicked another (nothing of which I swear I remember till date).

Come to think of it, Enjoyment to me has always been an ‘Inside out’ thing rather than the opposite of it. The things which had given me happiness had always taken roots in my inner self, within me and have branched out in all vigor and glory. Like when I accomplish something, say finish my day’s work to a sculptor’s masterpiece’s perfection or when I create something in which I see a part of me or when I put my soul in teaching someone things I know or believe in and could see my words in his tongue or a shadow of my shadow blend with his. The days I have returned from work when I have felt I had accomplished something have always been more beautiful than the rest of the days and I have always gifted myself like a delicious dinner or watching a favorite movie or any other pleasure which I have delayed so far. Just because I FELT I DESERVED IT. Maybe it is only me but do you not think celebration needs a reason at all?


PS: Am really glad to have a friend of mine shelling out a couple of thousands to an orphanage here at Vashi which if not for his ‘enlightened moment’ would have got deposited at a pub in Bandra, this New Year’s Eve.