From Chennai with Love!

Well, for quite some time now I have been tickling myself with surprise what am I gonna write about next in my blog. I could not stop fantasizing about it and the suspense was almost unbearable. Yeah, I hear you mutter “Narcissistic SOB!” but hey this is all I got to show-off apart from my upcoming six packs and my tall, dark and handsome physique and my silver tongued speeches and my graceful walk and ahem ahem and…

It has been quite some time now I have visited my blog and quite a few things does have happened in my life since the last blog was written. For instance, I am in a new job in a new company in a new city and staying in a new house. Hmm…quite a few changes eh!

For the first few days of my stay here in Chennai, I could not get rid of the hangover of my life – the Mumbai hangover! Believe me when I say the city secretly grows on you when you live there even for a short while. This landed me into the problem zone several times as you get accustomed to several mini luxuries like late dinners, open-minded girls, problem-free bachelor accommodation (lol), autos that run on meters, free and forced fashion tips, cheap internet, etc etc

Chennai does have its own unique charm but habit can be a pain in your keister. Working late and eating out late had been my routine for most of my Mumbai days (recollecting the 1 AM romali roti and paneer chutney and an oily moon) and now when I get out of Chennai office after 11 PM and see the eating outlets all closed and the still open ones with ‘closed’ sign outside, I curse when my stomach cringes. Also I soon learnt it’s a risky business to enter the fastfood joints in the shady alleys which are still open after 11 as they seem to be exclusively for “privileged” citizens right out of TASMAC and ready to puke on you or your plate anytime they feel comfortable. Now I am being a cautious customer and have discovered a couple of Andhra mess nearby. Andhra Mess - A south Indian’s dream! Lol! So much rice for 35Rs – Awesome!

Next embarrassment in my little list of disappointments was the girls’ attitude I have met so far. I just don’t get it when (as if by a global conspiracy) the girls make it a point that they are married or in a relationship right within the 2 minutes of a casual conversation and that challenging stare afterwards when I wonder what I did made her mention that in an otherwise normal conversation. Oh, come on now, You know I look a pretty decent fella. There are many curious and interesting aspects of the girls here still unexplored like why they bat eyelashes a tad more wildly than needed when they see a guy approaching them and why do they adamantly stare at the monitor fixedly even when the guy approached is like standing close and sharing almost the same oxygen molecules in the air space near them and why they give you a strange look (as if you have just breached the Sacred Code) when they are talked to uninvitedly. Hmm..the intricacies!

My house-hunt took to top gear when I realized I would be kicked out of the provided hotel accommodation in a week’s time. Took the Free Ads magazine and tried calling up the house owners and every one of them was a genuine, warm, caring and friendly person till I mentioned am looking for bachelor accommodation. It was as if all the house owners are faithful followers of the “Hate Bachelors” club and explained me that I am untouchable because am a bachelor. Folks there got me considering marriage pretty seriously for some time, duh!

It is a different story how I got settled in a house finally and found out that my house owner was Mini Hitler, version 1.0. Imagine an evil standup comedian performing, rambling for an hour non-stop vehemently, except that none in the audience twitches a single smile muscle of his face, there, voila! You have figured out my house owner. She loves to talk… She loves to talk… She loves to talk…personality profile completed. End of two days of my stay in the house, I was lucky enough to know why she liked dogs and hate cats, her unhealthy bank balance, her arthritis and the size of her thyroid, how she manages to pay her EMIs, why her hubby don’t look like an ex MR.Chennai now and why I could teach her over-enthusiastic kid Civics and why he looks up to me as I remind him of his dead uncle (wtf!)

I like to use and think of my blog like an online journal I keep wherein I record some treasured memories/moments and emotions of passing days. Am sure little things which we gripe about now and petty nuisances would be things of amusement to us in some distant future when we could/would laugh about it. Oh, on a concluding note and talking about amusement, one early consolation to me in Chennai was one of my colleague with a peculiar accent and his proprietary spelling for his vocabulary..lol.I am not claiming that I have the coolest accent, still, his choice of words are pretty lethal as you would understand below. I will close this post with a sample exchange I had with him last week:

Day 1:
Him: Shanmu, my manager is really banging me hard yaar…
Me : What??
Him: yeah, everyday we have meetings where everybody on the call bangs my hash too..
Me: Again, what??
Him: luckily today I escaped from the meeting and Amitha got banged..
Me: (walks away from the place quickly before he catches me giggling)

Day 2: (snacks time)

Him: Push that plate here. Lets finish snacks quickly and move our hashes quickly
Me: ok. But move our what?
Him: (concentrates on snacks when understanding dawns on me slowly) hmm…ok

Day 3: (Coffee area)

Him: Shanmu, check out that goal yaar…
Me: Innocently, looking at the TV screen where soccer is going on
Him: look, look, quick, look there (he points out a busty girl at my periphery)
Me: Ohh…her..the girl…yeah..hot
He: (Greedily chuckles)
Me: Move ur eyes off the hash and finish ur coffee…