My Hit List!

I saw her leaving the theatre and was shocked to see she was carrying a baby, just as cute as she was. Immediately followed the procession of her sweet husband and mother-in-law and they were almost at the exit. I was standing frozen resisting my friends’ attempt to drag me out. Seemed they did not notice her. I don’t know what came over me; I just cried out, ‘Hey, that’s Preeti da!! to my friends who were near the exit too. It was then disaster struck!

Just as I started yelling to my guys over the loud noise of the speakers in the theatre, the song stopped abruptly and all that could be heard was my stupid shouting ricocheting off the walls and it seemed the world suddenly stopped for a moment to look “Who does this stupid voice belongs to?” and hmm..One of those times when you feel why won’t the earth just open up and take you in, hiding from the vicious eyes glaring at you.

Well, she, Preeti was my first crush! It was class V, yeah...you heard me... Memories came flooding back when I ducked my way through the crowd avoiding her not-so-sweet-looking-at-the-moment husband and it was then I decided my crush list will do good for my next blog…well, here we go for the kill…

It all started with Preeti when she joined our school, our class at 5th standard. A lil aside here for folks who think is it even possible to think about boy-girl dynamics at that age, well, sorry guys, you are on the wrong page and for rest of us we are cool…right on track.

She was this goddess or at least that’s how she appeared to us guys. I guess there was some goddess in every guy’s school life but this girl was like a goddess to all the guys in the class...lol. There used to be alternate seating arrangements every month when guys n gals would be shuffling locations and this is the time when the boys n girls would be asked to stand in line and random choice would decide who sits next to whom. Of course the class teacher had a large say in this ‘randomness’. By now a birdie would have guessed what could be the hot seat and the all-eyes-are-on seat. The one next to Preeti’s was the golden seat and whenever she is asked to sit somewhere, then would begin the push-pull-hit-dodge fight in the boys’ line and that day somewhere some angel smiled in her happy sleep and my teacher’s randomness picked me.

There I was walking in my glory with the itchy, spell-casting, greeny-green eyes all over me and sat next to her and gave her what I thought was my most romantic smile. She started laughing and oh boy was I happy…people are supposed to smile back when they are smiled at but she’s so happy that she wants to explode and laugh at my face. Wow!

At least that was what I thought or liked to think at that time!

A week and a fraction of second went by in actual time and my time respectively with Preeti next to me in class. It was then she was made the bench-leader (we had this intense concept back at our school, it would mean the better-ranked student would have veto power and total diplomatic control over the entire bench of 4 students) and she started acting like she was Hitler’s blood relative.

By the length of blog, you would’ve guessed by now I am a kinda guy who always has so much to say and I was a babbling brook back then too and she decided to build a dam across. It was then the bloodbath began! Every time I opened my mouth she started cribbing like a nagging housewife who a vexed husband would feel like burying alive. Then it went a level up when she started complaining to the class teacher about my sewing-machine-turned-mouth and the teacher gave her like total control over my mind, soul and body. She started with physical abuse one fine innocent day…yeah...I know...it gets interesting here…

It was a lazy noon and I was discussing with the guys about the extent of biological-knowledge we would be exposed to in class VI and that’s when she showed up baring her teeth with her beautiful lips.

Her: Shanmu, cant u ever keep ur mouth closed?

Me: yeah, when am asleep

Her: am gonna complain to the teacher now if u don’t stop talking

Me: ignores n mimics when she turns back

She got mad like a mad-cow by this time and grabbed and twisted my thigh in an impossible knot which made me defy gravity for like complete 5 seconds. I have never had any part of my body turn so red till this day and she was sitting there by my side all quiet like an innocent dove. I had turned into the ‘Incredible Shanmu’ by then and every inch of my body was crying revenge revenge…so revenge it was! An eye for an eye – A thigh for a thigh! I had pretty sharp nails for which I had specific use at that time (ok...am not gonna tell what it was for) and when she was least expecting I launched the guerilla attack on her thigh. I let my nails dig deep (people please, read this with the right spirit) in her thigh and pinched her for 10 whole seconds.

Next thing I know was my eardrum getting pierced by a shrill train whistling close by and later figured it was her larynx making that noise. She made sure every thing in the campus with ears heard her mellifluent scream and I was the reason behind the crime.

I was taken to the principal who looked at me like the devil-in-disguise and I could see other boys’ exalted faces with gleeful grin dripping nothing but pure ecstasy. I was a hero and villain at the same time. Rest was history...yup...real history...I was asked to apologise which I did to her thigh and even volunteered for a friendly hug which she refused to.

Well, that’s pretty much it! A helluva crush which came to an end with a pinch! Hmm…thought I would list out the rest of my crushes in this blog...but seems I got carried away. Rest of the stories some other time! Maybe in next blog – a part II. (Like it or not...there’s gonna be a part-2)
PS: the names of the crushes have been/would be changed...ahem..ahem..just to prevent the crushes from crushing me!!